3am - Jack is up, I go in, he has peed through his diaper, sleeper, sleepsack, the sheet, and soaked the mattress pad. I strip him, change him, and dress him. And begin my wrestling match with the mattress to change the pad and sheet.
7am - Jack is up, I go in, he has peed through his diaper, sleeper, sleepsack, the sheet, and soaked the second mattress pad. I strip him, change him, and dress him. And begin round two with the mattress.
10:30am - while in his bouncer he manages to $hit to the point it is halfway up his back. It's green and vile smelling, I'm gagging. I haul him upstairs to try to strip him down. It was everywhere, to the point where I opted to cut off the onesie and throw it away. He still manages to get a handful of poop and smear it through his hair. So I put him in the tub and rinse him off and then give him a bath.
Noon - I give each dog a rib bone. Marley DOESN'T EVEN CHEW IT, he swallows the damn thing whole. Panic sets in, I call the vet and explain what just happened. Our conversation went like this:
Me - OH MY GOD, my dog, Marley, the big dumb one, just swallowed a rib bone WHOLE.
Vet - how big was the rib bone?
Me - it was a rib bone, I don't know a standard rib bone... maybe 4 inches long
Vet - how wide?
Me - I have no idea, maybe an inch in diameter, what does it matter, he swallowed a WHOLE RIB BONE
Vet - you'll need to make him throw it up
Me - how do I do that? stick my hand down his throat?
Vet - give him peroxide
Me - like hydrogen peroxide, or some kind of special peroxide?
Vet - hydrogen peroxide, give him 1 tablespoon every 10 minutes until he throws up, or up to 3 times.
Me - ok... do I soak bread in it or something? Despite how dumb my dog is, I don't see him willingly swallow this
Vet - do you have a syringe?
Me - I have one I give my baby tylenol with
Vet - use that, call me back
So, for 45 minutes I chase Marley around the back yard, sitting on him, forcing him to swallow a tablespoon of hydrogen peroxide at a time. He is UN-PHASED, he thinks this is a game. After 4 tablespoons (I know she said 3, but I decided to give it one more shot). He throws up, and then tries to eat it. So now I have to pick up dog vomit. Vomit makes me want to vomit. I'm gagging.
I call the vet back, the vet informs me not to give dogs rib bones. I hang my head in shame and say "Yes, ma'am"
7pm - I load Jack in the car and we go to Wal-Mart. I drive all the way there, get him unloaded and walk into the store, and realize I have forgotten my wallet on the counter at home. We go back, I leave Jack with Craig and run back to Wal-Mart.
I come home, as I walk in the kitchen door, Craig runs by me. I see what looks like spit-up on his hand and face... AND MOUTH! He was apparently holding Jack over his head and Jack threw up in his mouth. It was exactly what I needed. I found it absolutely hilarious, Craig does not find this nearly as amusing.
What post would be complete without pictures? Here is Jack trying his winter hat on after eating breakfast this morning.
It might be funnier the second time reading it. Andrew found it fantastically comical as well.
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